I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
