The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
