Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
this hospital has no fireball
soo... how was my night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
