i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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