He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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