I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize