i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize