East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
