Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
