Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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