Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
