Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
