Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
