Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
