highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
