..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
