so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
