pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
