Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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