if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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