She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
