using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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