They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
