what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
