So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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