I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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