Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
