You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
