I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
