i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
