WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
