Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
