I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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