I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
