Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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