He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
