I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
