When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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