Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
