if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
