OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
