is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
