you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
