This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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