rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
