guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
