So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
