a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize