I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
