i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
