no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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