If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize