Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize