I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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