Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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