My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You've changed since you got that strap on
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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