I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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