Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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