he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
