Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
