I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
