Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
