woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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