Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
