Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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