these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
