I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
