I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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