Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
