The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
