need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
