thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
