i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
love makes seman taste better
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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