I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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