dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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