I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
