This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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