that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
