This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Quick, to the slutcave!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
