I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
